wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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