mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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