How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's official drugs can't kill me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
