I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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