Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
