I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
