he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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