i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
