Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
