after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
