She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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