If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
