i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
