He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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