The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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