yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
