The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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