well most of my day revolves around power hour
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Drake has all the answers
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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