As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We had sex on a dog bed..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
