I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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