I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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