I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
