While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
