Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
