your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
