Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize