We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
