Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
