cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
