my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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