when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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