woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
