Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
