Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize