So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
