My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
