He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
