really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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