He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
