Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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