You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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