When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
