Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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