i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
