Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
