you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
