well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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