walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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