Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
