i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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