Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
