I want to stick my p in your. b.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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