goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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