My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
