Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
