Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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