Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
