My friends, they love my intelligence
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
