literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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