absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
