I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just gift wrapped bread.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
