In the future we'll all be gay
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
