we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
